I’m an idiot.

I’m stupid, clueless, dumb – hell, I’m a complete moron. I’m so inept, in fact, that a new word has been created to capture my incompetence: “luser.” I feel terrible about it, I really do; it was never my intention to upset my IT department – heck, the whole IT industry – by not being bright enough to use the wonderful tools they give me. But I just can’t seem to get it right.

I mean, I know I’m not supposed to click on attachments. Clicking on attachments is bad. My IT department sent me an email explaining this. They were even kind enough to attach a Word document explaining how to set my computer up to prevent the spread of viruses through attachments like…well, like Word documents. I have to admit, that little irony had me scratching my head for a few minutes. Was this some sort of test for us lusers to see if we pay attention? Then I realized the message came from my IT department. And you can’t fake an email address. No way.

I think I passed their test.

And yet they still think very little of me. I read their blogs: “Users are stupid and that needs to be the starting point for software developers.” I read their trade magazines: “No matter how hard we pray…every network is at one time or other exposed to the ultimate technology risk: users.” I know, I know, I probably shouldn’t be reading these blogs and magazines; it’s all highly technical stuff they’re talking about, and I’m probably missing the crucial subtext when they refer to me as “this most dangerous species of wildlife.” My problem is that I just don’t get it.

Or, not.